Tuesday, 7 September 2010

The Truth About Love

How come we often find it easier to withhold love? If you knew the other person involved loved you unconditionally, would that change things?

Love really does seem to be of a very high vibration.  Sitting up there with light, it might explain why many people use 'love and light' in their well wishes to others. 

It's true that love can melt hearts - just think of how a newborn baby can affect the hearts of those around them or how being in love can override the differences between people. 

We must all admit to enjoying the early stages of falling in love in a new relationship - doesn't the world seem a wonderful place?  How effortlessly do we move through life in those first few months?  Everything seems to just fall into place so perfectly!

But what happens after the honeymoon period is over?  Feeling how we do in those first few months is not completely sustainable, but it does give us an experience of how it would feel if we loved and were loved unconditionally all the time. 

What makes it so hard for us to give and receive love so freely?

Love has been with us fleetingly throughout our lives, with our first caregivers or parents influencing our experience of love from how they were with us and each other. 

Just by bringing us up, we learned that certain behaviours made us feel loved, and others didn't.  We formed beliefs from the way we were brought up such as:

'I must please people and then I will be loved,' or

'I am a bad girl or boy and don't deserve to be loved.' 

Love seemed conditional and so we grew up believing something had to be done to 'get it.'  As young children, we relied on our primary caregivers to look after us and with our basic survival instincts kicking in, we tried to please them, as losing their love would have been detrimental to our future. 

As we got older, we started to search for love amongst friends and partners too, with that search taking us outside of ourselves and ultimately away from the source of love - US.

Our fear of not being loved is so great that we spend most of our lives trying to protect ourselves from ever feeling unloved.  Our fear is so great that we withold love from others from fear of not receiving it back.  Our fear is so great that we don't allow ourselves to feel love as fully as we could, just in case it is taken away from us.

It is so sad when fear gets in the way of us living the life we dream of. 

As a therapist I have worked with many people who are unable to let themselves love others or be loved them self.  The key thing to remember here is that our past experiences often dictate how we behave now. 

Our subconscious mind stores all our past experiences from which we form learnings and beliefs such as 'I am not loveable,' or 'I don't deserve love,' and it is our subconscious beliefs that drive most of our behaviours and patterns of behaviours.  

Until we are aware of our own patterns that are affecting our lives, we continue repeating those patterns.  When we become aware of those patterns, we can then begin to start changing them.  

In the meantime, try and remember that  love is actually a core state of being, which means that it is not dependent on DOING anything to 'get it.'  We have just LEARNED to search for it, rather than realising we ARE IT! 

Today - Try and recognise that YOU ARE LOVE regardless of what you do or say.  Notice what comes up for you as you acknowledge this. 

With much Love and Light!

Lisa x

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